Minute by Minute

Well Justin is gone, he left this morning. It's hit me pretty hard and I'm having the hardest time dealing with it. I honestly feel broken, like a part of me is missing. I don't know how I am going to get through this... I can't even think straight. The one thought that runs through my head over and over again is what if he doesn't come home, what if he doesn't survive? I love him so much and I never wanted him to go. And now I'm carrying his child, out child and there's a chance he may never meet him/her. I don't want to think this way, I want to totally believe that he's going to be perfectly fine but I'm more realistic than that; what he is doing over there is dangerous. I just want him home and he's only been gone eleven hours. How the hell am I going to make it another 395 days? How am I going to begin raising our baby, we need him home. Thank God for family support systems or I'd go crazy. They are going to be my back bone and I guess I am going to take this one day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute; I have no other choice.

The End is Near :(

On April 9, 2012 I official became a Blevins :) He makes me so happy. I can't even begin to imagine how I became so lucky. On Thursday, April 26, 2012 Baby and I accompanied Daddy to Miles City where we are enjoying our last weekend together for almost a year. I'm very sad, and as it gets closer and closer to Monday I'm becoming even sadder. I don't know how I'm going to survive without him. I have the greatest support system, friends and family who will be there for me 110% but I want my husband and I'm sure Baby Blevins will want his/her Daddy. More than anything I pray he and his group come home safe. I want my husband back the same way he left, in one whole perfect piece.

This weekend has been filled, so far, with meeting his friends and their loved ones. I made a new friend and I am thankful I was introduced to her. Her husband is also leaving on this deployment and it will be nice to have someone to talk to who is going through the same thing I am and at the same time. She has two children and the last one she had while her husband was in basic training, so she has insight on how to deal with having the baby without my husband around. She's real sweet and her children are adorable. I am so glad we met.

I don't know how long it'll take for me to get back into the normal-ness of everything after Justin is gone, he's my everything and not having him here and the risk of never getting him back weighs heavily on my mind. I just hope this year goes by quickly. I can't wait to roll over and have my husband in bed with me again (hogging the blankets of course). Until then I'm going to take it one day at a time and try not to fall apart.

House Hunting

My husband, my aunt, and I are house hunting. It's been rather frustrating, honestly. We've found some really nice places but man are they spendy. We are looking at two really nice three bedroom homes and I've got my fingers crossed that one of them will come through, hopefully the one that allows pets.

I live in the campus dorms at the moment, and I've lived in them for the past three years. With our little one due in about October I can't be in the dorms next year so I'm being shoved out into the renting world. I'm very excited to have my own place and I'm so blessed that my aunt is going to move in with me. It means I won't be alone and I won't have to drown in debt all on my own. My aunt and I are more like sisters and we've been throwing the idea of moving in together around for a long time. And with Justin leaving in a couple weeks it works out perfectly. And when he returns home we will see where we stand then. We may stay with Erin, my aunt, or find our own place. We won't know until we get there.

If anyone reading this is renting a home or anything like that and has some advice please feel free to comment, I'm always up for advice from those who know something :)

Each Day Gets a Little Easier

I am slowly progressing into my second trimester and things are becoming all too real. I can see my stomach beginning to stretch and my breast begin to round out more. The morning sickness is the worst, I never know when it will strike next and it leaves me exhausted. Through it all though my amazing, now husband, is there. He reassures me that I'm beautiful, strong and able to pull through this. The thought of having this baby while he is over seas terrifies me, and I wish I could share this amazing gift with him. He makes me feel good, though, and he makes me happy. Each day I fall in more love with my Baby Blevins. Some days it is still tough for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I am creating life, even as I sit here typing this. I feel... powerful (I believe that is the word I want). I just pray for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I pray my husband comes home to me and the little one. Each day has gotten easier for me to handle. Each day makes it a little less scary. I know I'm not ready, but who really is? When my baby gets here though, I'm going to mother it the only way I know how and I'm hoping that will be enough.