Tick Tick

Went in for our check up today and we are A-OK. We are both healthy and growing well. I've only gained about twenty pounds, which I have to say is pretty spectacular! I have been rather upset though, them crazy cravings are hitting me and it seems that my grocery store never has what I'm craving, when I'm craving it. But what do you do, right? So, still apartment hunting, it's not going too well; and school starts in a week. So looks like I may be commuting from P-Burg to Missoula for a while. I have to go to class though. I'm getting so close to delivery time, I'm rather excited but completely terrified at the same time. I don't feel ready for this yet, but I don't think I will ever feel 100% ready to be a mother. I really wish Justin could be here for all of this, especially since he is so excited and looking forward to being a father. Not much else too exciting is going on. Summer is coming to a close and school is upon us once again. I'm excited for my two classes, physical geography and astronomy. I'm really looking forward to finding a place and making it my own, at least for a little while. And soon my little one will be here and we will start our new life and keep each other busy until Justin can come home and join us. Well, I think that is all for now, I'll try and post more often, but I can't guarantee anything.

The home stretch

With only about 3 months to go I'm becoming anxious and nervous for the arrival of our little one. Wishing my husband was here everyday to witness the little miracle growing inside me. The kicking and the ever growing stomach. Things are beginning to get complicated for me. Small easy tasks, like pulling the hide-a-bed out of the couch, I cannot do anymore. Sitting on the floor is pretty much out of the question because getting back up is quite the big deal. And every day my stomach gets larger.

I believe our little one may have stage fright as well. Every time he/she kicks or moves I hurry over to a family member hoping they will be able to witness it and the second their hand touches my stomach the baby stops moving. Little one apparently wants to perform for only Mommy (And for Daddy, because he was able to feel the baby last time I saw him).

Getting ready for a baby shower in about a month or so. Two baby showers actually. Justin's family is too far away to come to my shower in my home town and my family is too far away to drive to where his family is. I'm rather nervous to be meeting my husband's family without my husband being there... I hope it all goes well!

My aunt is taking picture of my growing belly on a regular basis, every week, to show the progress from week 23 and up; and so I can keep Justin posted on what his wife looks like. I feel like I have a balloon under my shirt and the feeling of attractiveness has pretty much escaped me as of late. Everyone claims I'm glowing and Justin still thinks I'm beautiful but some days I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I do realize that there is a baby inside me and that most of the weight will be gone after birth but it doesn't change how I feel. Just another struggle for soon to be mothers.

Well not much else is really happening right now, so until next time!

Special Little Miracles

The first glimpse of our bouncing baby!

We make a rather beautiful Family <3

My amazing husband, I am so proud of you!

They were telling us on and off that our husbands would be receiving day passes during their last few weeks in the states. Not too many of us got too excited over this because they kept changing their minds. About a week ago we got a confirm so a group of wives were going to drive down to Texas and see their husbands. I wanted to go and see Justin, but did I really want to say goodbye again (My mother keeps telling me it's not really goodbye, just a "see ya later", I need to keep that in mind more)? It didn't matter, we really didn't have to money for me to help pay for gas, get a hotel room, and eat while I was down their. We decided it was better in the long run anyways. Well our families would have none of that. Both sides chipping in money to get me down to Texas and back. I cleared it with my boss and on Friday, June 8, 2012 at roughly 10:00 am I headed to Drummond to catch a ride with one of the other wives mother-in-law who was going to take me to Billings with her. After many hours in the car, with some of the nicest people I have ever met, we made it to Billings. A few hours later Rene (One of the four other wives who I rode with) met us. We ate dinner and then headed on to Miles City (about a two hour drive). The drive took longer than it was suppose to as we battled gusty winds and out ran a hail storm. Friday and Saturday were spent hanging around and Rene's chit chatting and getting to know one another. Sunday just couldn't get here fast enough. Saturday night I don't think I hardly slept at all, I was so excited. Finally morning came. I made sure I had everything packed and in it's place and I sat watching the clock, waiting for noon to roll around. At about eleven the first of the other wives showed up, Tayvee. She was loud and funny and oh so very nice. Rene's son Levi started loading our bags into the luggage holder attached to the top of Rene's G-Ride. Soon after Rae joined our group, we got her all loaded up and headed out. We stopped at the last wife's house, Lorretta's. We got her in the vehicle and headed to Wal-Mart, picked up last minute items and hit the road. We fumble with the GPS (it wanted to take us so far out of our way to go on a road it apparently thought was better than the road we were on). We ended up ignoring the GPS until we were quite a ways into Wyoming. The trip was long, 20-ish hours (including gas and pee breaks) but we pushed all the way through and arrived at our hotel in El Paso early Monday morning. We checked in, unloaded our bags and took naps. I even shut my phone off so Justin's texts wouldn't wake me up. I woke up that afternoon and took a much needed shower caught up with the girls and headed to Fort Bliss, We wondered around the PX for a few hours, ate, and waited on the guys to tell us what was going on. Long story short we got to see them for a few hours after we were strung along with multiple "come see us", "you can't come see us", "I want to see you", and "maybe it's best if you go back to the hotel, we will see you tomorrow". I got very excited when I first saw Justin. Unfortunately on base the boys can't be as touchy feel-y and lovey dovey as us girls wanted but it was excellent to see him. We sat together, held hands, and talked about what's been going on lately. It was a good few hours. Then us girls headed back to the hotel. I had a hard time sleeping that night and at 6:30 the next morning I was wide awake. So I decided to shower, eat breakfast, and get all prettied up to see my husband. The previous night I had given him the extra hotel room key so he could let himself in and when I heard the mechanism unlock I about jumped out of my skin with excitement. I didn't even let him all the way through the door before I was hugging him. We spent the day inside, doing couple stuff. It was heaven, I was so happy. That night the coolest thing happened. We were cuddling and watching TV when I got real still. Justin went to say something and I shushed him. He got rather concerned, the whole "is everything alright?" I grabbed his hand, placed it on my ever growing stomach and whispered "The baby is awake". After about a minute of movement I could feel his face lit up, he looked at me, smiled and said "I can feel it". It was the best experience ever. He got to feel our little one move around quite a bit which I was very thankful for. The next two days went by way too fast and not too much happened. We just spent every minute we could together. He bought me jewelry though, ( I got those the first night we saw them) I have the most amazing husband in the world. He takes the best care of me! Well the morning of the 15th rolls on in and we are lying in bed, cuddling and I know he's leaving in a few short minutes. I sniffle a bit and he asks if my nose is running (it had been for the entire trip) and I couldn't speak so I just shook my head. Before he could say anything else the tears came rushing (makes me want to cry just typing about it now). I know this is it, the last time I get to see him, hold him, feel him for 10 months or more. He holds me for a while as I bawl like a baby trying to reassure me that everything is going to be ok and that I am strong enough to get through this. But it was a short comfort session, he had to get ready to leave. I never wanted to let him go, ever! We ate breakfast in silence as I tried not to lose it again. After breakfast I watched him walk out the hotel front doors and that's the last time I saw him. I barely made it back to the room without dying. I laid on the bed and cried, not for too long but I cried loud and hard for about five minutes. I just needed to get it out. I pulled myself together and got the room all packed up, loaded my stuff into the car and checked out. All I wanted to do was go home then. I just wanted to be back with family. We left and made the long trek home. We got back to Miles City the morning of the 16th. I stayed at Rene's one last night and headed to Drummond by bus at 9:20 a.m. on the 17th. My mother met me in Drummond and drove me home to P-burg. I arrived home a little before 9 p.m. it was nice to be home. I definitely enjoyed my time with Justin but I hate to let him go. I never know when I'll be able to speak to him. I don't know where he is or if he is even doing ok. I just want these ten months to go by fast and I want my husband home again and I'm never letting him leave again! I am strong enough to do this, I have to be, especially one the baby comes. I hope all goes well for all the men and women over there. I pray everyone stays safe and comes home to all their friends and family waiting for them. And when Justin comes home I know he has many people who will be ecstatic for his arrival, including a son or daughter. I love my soldier and I'm very proud of him. And every day is going to be a struggle but I will get through and I will be strong for him and when he returns we will pick up where we left off and we will begin our lives together. My prayer and thoughts go out to all the soldiers and their families to be strong, stay safe, and know that it will all get better as the time passes. 

17 weeks

So a little (alright, more than a little) behind schedule I had my first doctors appointment today. And my very first ultra sound. They did blood work for testing of birth defects. It was a rather exciting day, I got to see my growing baby for the first time and I got to hear the little ones heartbeat. I watched as my baby squirmed and wiggled around, I still cannot feel his/her movements but the ultra sound tech said that can be because my placenta is in the front and the baby will need to kick through it in order for me to feel it. It'll be like kicking a pillow for the little squirt. It was pretty awesome seeing Justin and my creation moving around, made me really aware that I am creating a new life inside me. So 17 weeks along I am going to ride out the end (hopefully) of the morning sickness and begin to put on some weight from the growing baby. And soon our little one will join the world. We both miss Justin and wish he could be here for all of this but we know he must be away at this time. I make sure to keep him updated and I will be sending him copies of the ultra sounds so he can have the first picture ever of our growing baby. Each day I get more and more excited and I grow more and more attached to our little bundle of joy as it grows inside me.

Hard

It's been only three days since he left and man is it taking a toll on me. Although today I am feeling better than I did yesterday so I think I will get to the point where his absence will just be a dull ache in my heart. Today I need motivation, I must pack and pack and pack. I have to have boxes ready to send home today... It involves so much effort :( Finals week is next week and baby and mama are feeling the stress of that. I need some stress releasing tips. I try deep breathing and positive thinking plus a number of other things, but nothing seems to be helping and I don't want my stress to cause any problems with the baby, I want a healthy baby. We begun to pick out names, we've got the girls name picked: Evalyn Kesleigh Blevins, but we are still debating on a boys name. I'm so excited to be starting my family, I just wish he was going to be here for the beginning of it all. I just thank God that I have the friends and family that I have, they really are the best support system anybody could ask for. I am one lucky girl. And I know it's going to be hard, it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but in the end it's more than worth it and I know I am strong enough to handle it!

Minute by Minute

Well Justin is gone, he left this morning. It's hit me pretty hard and I'm having the hardest time dealing with it. I honestly feel broken, like a part of me is missing. I don't know how I am going to get through this... I can't even think straight. The one thought that runs through my head over and over again is what if he doesn't come home, what if he doesn't survive? I love him so much and I never wanted him to go. And now I'm carrying his child, out child and there's a chance he may never meet him/her. I don't want to think this way, I want to totally believe that he's going to be perfectly fine but I'm more realistic than that; what he is doing over there is dangerous. I just want him home and he's only been gone eleven hours. How the hell am I going to make it another 395 days? How am I going to begin raising our baby, we need him home. Thank God for family support systems or I'd go crazy. They are going to be my back bone and I guess I am going to take this one day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute; I have no other choice.

The End is Near :(

On April 9, 2012 I official became a Blevins :) He makes me so happy. I can't even begin to imagine how I became so lucky. On Thursday, April 26, 2012 Baby and I accompanied Daddy to Miles City where we are enjoying our last weekend together for almost a year. I'm very sad, and as it gets closer and closer to Monday I'm becoming even sadder. I don't know how I'm going to survive without him. I have the greatest support system, friends and family who will be there for me 110% but I want my husband and I'm sure Baby Blevins will want his/her Daddy. More than anything I pray he and his group come home safe. I want my husband back the same way he left, in one whole perfect piece.

This weekend has been filled, so far, with meeting his friends and their loved ones. I made a new friend and I am thankful I was introduced to her. Her husband is also leaving on this deployment and it will be nice to have someone to talk to who is going through the same thing I am and at the same time. She has two children and the last one she had while her husband was in basic training, so she has insight on how to deal with having the baby without my husband around. She's real sweet and her children are adorable. I am so glad we met.

I don't know how long it'll take for me to get back into the normal-ness of everything after Justin is gone, he's my everything and not having him here and the risk of never getting him back weighs heavily on my mind. I just hope this year goes by quickly. I can't wait to roll over and have my husband in bed with me again (hogging the blankets of course). Until then I'm going to take it one day at a time and try not to fall apart.